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Year 1... Grief
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
Year 1... Grief

Some people share their "birth story" & I don't think I've ever understood the point. As spring approaches my mind has been spinning with processing this past year. In our journey of trying to figure out how to cope it has lead me to capture  our emotions through my art. Call this a self portrait, Coopers birth story, our journey through grief or whatever you may, all I know is it's truth. Truth through our tears and truth of how we have decided to live with the most unimaginable pain possible. I held my son three times, When he was born and when he passed away, when we had to say goodby and sign release papers for cremation and the third time was Mothers day last year when we picked up his ashes. I'll never forget that and looking at such a small box with so much fear and pain. The pain is there behind my smile everyday, it's all I see on repeat in my mind. It's like having a video playing in the background constantly that you cant turn off. But as hard as it is, I would never stop it, as long as it plays I feel like It's real... that he was real and not just a dream.We've chosen to try to honor our son, to celebrate his life no different then if he were here. On Wednesday, April 20th Cooper would be one.. would we be having a birthday party? Would he be walking? What would his personality be like? Those are things we will never get to know, but what I do know is ...

Flowers and a Lighthouse
Sunday, March 27, 2016
Year 1... Grief

 Sometimes its nice to take a little time and play tourist in your own backyard. This weekend thats exactly what we did, we drove from LA to San Diego and explored a few stops along the way <3  My favorite being The Flower Fields in Carlsbad & Cabrillo National Park. Heres a little photo story of the beautiful weekend we spent enjoying what mother nature has given us.   

A family of Wildflowers
Friday, October 30, 2015
Year 1... Grief

 Along our soul searching journey, I attended a Wildflowers photography workshop in Bellingham Washington. Last year Joy photographed Malcon and I and this year I was lead to her homestead where I had the opportunity to spend time capturing their raw moments together. While on my little retreat I learned to dig deep, to dig into the ugly and to use it to channel my art. I opened up to a much more natural photo, really being aware to shoot with the sun, through the leaves and to really soak in the feelings of the moment. Thats a lot of pressure when you think about it haha, this is a family with a mama bear who is an amazing photographer so Im just going to let the pictures do the talking from here. I would like to say Thank You to The Prouty's and all the Wildflower attendees for sharing your souls with me.   

Exploring the Pacific Northwest
Friday, October 30, 2015
Year 1... Grief

Continuing on our soul searching journey, we explored the beautiful beaches that the Oregon coast had to offer.While driving the coast we just soaked in all of its beauty, exploring Thor's Well at Cape Perpetua, then danced infront of the Goonies Rock (aka Haystack rock), and finally through the beautiful mossy woods we found a shipwreck at Fort Stevens. Leaving Fort Stevens we welcomed Washington and all its Wildflowers... (thats for the next post)   

Hwy 1 & Done
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Year 1... Grief

 Highway One & done...So Malcon and I decided on taking a little camping trip up the Northwest coast for Coopers 6 month birthday and to do a little healing. We rented an RV and hit the road on Saturday. So far we've slept on the cliffs of Big Sur, conquered highway one and all its dangerous curves, felt the rumble from Writes beach, crossed the Golden Gate bridge & walked among the giants in the Redwoods. This is a little photo re-cap of our 1st 3 days.